December 17, 2008
Dear friends and Delegates,
Panicking? We are! Due to all the sampling, website building and general putzing around here at UNOB Towers, we're faced with a harrowing trip to the mall. And unless Zombies have risen in a plague and are ripping people's heads open, it's not going to be any fun at all.
So, just in case YOU are also in a state of last-minute panic, we thought we'd share our top 10 last-minute, no shipping required Christmas gift ideas! Sit back, sip a seasonal stout and click-click-click the people off your present buying list.
Maxim Magazine subscription
What's even sillier and less credible is that TWO years is only $17.97. I am grinding my teeth to nubs at the thought of paying four quid a pop for this back in the UK all those years ago AND trudging off out into the rain to fetch the damn things.
Order your Maxim subscription now!
Full Tilt Poker gift certificates!
Perhaps you know a poker player or two. Perhaps they are even winning players. Or perhaps, like 99% of the mugs out there, they donate their salaries every month. C'est la vie.
But buy them a Full Tilt Poker gift certificate and you will catapult yourself into their good books. The best bit is, they don't need to be shipped, so you can write a card, print out the coupon and your shopping list is one name shorter in a matter of moments.
Click to order a FTP gift card now.
The smart cookies at Clubs of America don't just sell beer subscriptions. Oh no. What if Auntie Ada is a celiac? Or Uncle Bob is a religious zealot and doesn't drink?
They have chocolate, coffee, cigars, flowers of the month, even pizza! But we're mostly interested in the beer, let's face it. With a choice of import, microbrew and other options, Beer of the Month club membership makes a thoughtful and fun gift. You can even get just a one-month subscription, meaning at under $20, it's a perfect and thrifty idea without seeming cheap.
And it's shipped direct to your gift recipient, meaning you don't have to hit any deadlines: you can order right up to the 25th December if you're up against a tight deadline, then stick a voucher inside a card and watch the smiles light up their faces!
Read more or place an order now.
Gift cards are the one braindead present that is actually appreciated by the recipient. It says "I don't have any imagination -- aren't YOU the lucky one! You dodged thousands of tacky, cheap, made in China bullets and now you get to spend my money on something you want."
And for destinations, you can't beat Amazon.com, at least since they dropped the pretense about being a book retailer and started selling stuff they actually make money from.
You can buy almost anything from Amazon, as long as you live in the US or UK. The rest of us have to make do with paying higher shipping and import duty, but Amazon.com Gift Cards are still a great gift.
CANADIAN GIFT CARDS: Click here to order in CDN$
UNITED KINGDOM GIFT CARDS: click here to order in UK Pounds
Heifer International flock of chicks
We'd all love a flock of chicks, but unless you're a rock star or billionaire playboy, it's not very likely.
In the spirit of Christmas, one gift can become two. So give the gift that keeps on giving. A charitable donation of a flock of chicks, a goat, even a camel or a hive full of bees, can be arranged by going to Heifer International.
Brew Your Own magazine subscription
Fortunately, a no-ship gift is here in the shape of a Brew Your Own magazine subscription
Even better, you won't have to smile through a potential poisoning, as their homebrew will taste a lot better by the time the fifth issue arrives!
More Than Just The Basics home brew guide
More Than Just The Basics home brew guide
Brew Dogs: Vol. 1 Beginning Home Brewing
GamePass subscription
Almost everybody loves computer games. So, if you're stuck for anything better to buy and can't be arsed to drive to the shops, give your recipient a GamePass subscription
.
He (let's face it, 90% of them are He) will receive a free game every month, worth $20, plus a fiver off any other game he (or she!) buys. You will have to shell out $9.99 per month of the subscription. Win-win, we say! Get them a GamePass now.
Mail Order Russian brides
It's rare that conspiring to get your friend laid can be a hilarious experience for you. But with AnastasiaWeb
, you know it's going to end in tears.
His 'Russian model' will be an ex-Olympic shot-putter named Helga with skin the consistency of cold oatmeal and hands like ham hocks. Just be sure you double-date for maximum laughs! Order him a Mail Order Russian bride now!
Seafight online pirate game
We'd all love to rape, pillage and drink ourselves senseless while burying chests full of dubloons. Now you can give the gift of piracy by buying your mates a Seafight online pirate game subscription
.
You certainly won't be duplicating anybody else's idea. So that checks off "original". You also don't have to drive anywhere to get it, so there's "lazyass" done too. No wrapping (ditto). Print out his sub details in a card and off you go to the pub.
Order a Seafight online pirate game subscription NOW!
Is that ten? Yes? WHEW. This is a ton of work, you know...
On behalf of everybody at UNOB Towers, we wish you a very happy and stress-free, drunken holiday season. Cheers!
Ashley Cotter-Cairns
Secretary General, The United Nations of Beer
theUNOB.com