United Nations of Beer

Booze Belly

by Tom Warin

Booze Belly
(Baron Bob)

Beer prices at the nation's stadiums and ballparks have reached an all time high and desperate fans, unable to enjoy their favorite sports without the sweet lubrication of fizzy yellow beer, have been left searching high and low for a solution.

The Booze Belly is one such solution: a plastic pouch that fits snugly underneath your clothes and which can hold 750ml of liquid at a temperature which will rapidly approach that of your body.

There's nothing better than sipping warm beer out of a tube to take you back to the good old days at the ball park.

Nobody will suspect a thing as you saunter into the stadium with a pint and a half of beer sloshing around in a plastic bag under your T-Shirt. A T-Shirt that probably won't be fitting too good at this point.

If stopped, you can always claim that it's a portable catheter and you just got it wired up wrong. Nobody will be keen on checking the contents, as long as you stick to light colored beers.

If you get caught with a booze belly full of Guinness beer, then you're gonna have some serious explaining to do.