United Nations of Beer

Brand new futon

by Miss Terry
(Somewhere, AZ, USA)

I had gone to some guy’s house for a party back in high school, yeah yeah I know underage drinking, oops, my bad.

Anyways I got so hammered the last thing I remember doing was table dancing in front of like 15 other people. OMG, that is so not the type of person I am normally.

About 5am I woke up, had no idea where I was all I could see was a red light glowing on the ceiling above me. I thought to myself, "Where the hell am I?" What type of person has a red light in their room, right?

I sat up and realized one of my best friends had brought me home with him. He had made me a bed on the floor of his room (which I had by the way never been in before).

He woke up when I sat up, told me the whole story about how I was passed out on the brand new futon his mom just bought for about five minutes until I vomited on it. Oh was she mad as hell. Needless to say she was so mad that I never saw her that morning.

About five years later, I was working with a lady and decided to tell her that story, and about how my best guy friend took care of me without taking advantage of the situation. Guess what: the lady I worked with was his mother!

I think I lost all color in my face, because I know I thought I was going to pass out when I realized who she was.

I was so freakin' drunk at that party I had to take him to the bathroom with me to help me unbutton my pants. If that isn't drunk and ignorant, I don't know what is.