United Nations of Beer

Chain lager

by Ashley Cotter-Cairns
(UNOB HQ)

Chain lager
Steelback Brewery

The story of how my car trunk got filled with a couple of dozen types of Ontario-brewed beers is a long and boring one. The quick precis is that I needed a new visa and thought I might as well go west, to Cornwall, and while I was there I might as well try a few beers too.

They don't mess around in Ontario. The place you buy beers from (apart from the government-run LCBO outlets) is called The Beer Store. Smart marketing, eh?

Unfortunately, while said outlet does stock a fantastic variety of beers from small and large companies all across Ontario, most are only available in six packs or larger. Not a problem if you're off to a party, but a serious drawback if you just want to buy one of each to conduct a review.

Steelback to the rescue! About the only company which allows The Beer Store to sell singles supplies them in monstrously huge 710ml cans. That's around the size of a bottle of wine. Not too shabby!

I selected one of each that they had in stock and headed for Quebec. It's taken WEEKS to get around to this one, but as it's Good Friday and I've been extra good this week, I thought, Why not?

The first thing to point out about Chain lager is that the can design is very deceptive. You won't mistake Steelback's tins for any other company's, as they all are airbrushed to within an inch of their lives. One (on my current to-drink list) even has a big black bear on the front! But some are really the wrong side of garish.

Why does any of this matter? Well, if you believe the can's high design promises, you'll be expecting this beer to pour golden yellow with a fluffy head. Whereas, when you finally pop the top and give it some welly, you'll be lucky to raise as many bubbles as a flatulent duck on a frozen pond. And if this is yellow, then I need to go to hospital to get my bleeding retinas patched up. It's orange, guys.

I was immediately reminded of another orange lager I had last year, Gros Cochon (Fat Pig to you!). It's very similar in appearance, consistency (just fizzy enough to qualify as a lager, but not overly snap-crackle-poppy like a Stella Artois, for example) and even taste. I prefer Chain to Fat Pig, though, if only in the value for money stakes. Double the beer for a similar price. Steelback are smart brewers.

Chain lager is pretty good, if you're still wearing the sweat of a hard day's graft, it's humid and hot and you feel like chugging a big tin before a shit, shower and shave and changing for a night out with the lads.

The initial bite is sweetish, but not cloying, while Chain lager's aftertaste is also a softer blow than you might expect from a giant can of fizzy beer. There's a definite bitter edge, but it's far from harsh, tempered with sweetness.

I've had bad pints of draught Stella that are about as fizzy, but taste like the leftover water in the u-bend of a Chinese restaurant. Chain is decent. You won't spontaneously combust with joy on drinking some, but it's a solid pint-and-a-bit.

It won't warm away the chill of a bitter Ontario winter, but at 5.5% abv, you probably won't be complaining after a couple of these monster cans. It may not do what the can's designer promises, but Chain lager is aaaaall right.