United Nations of Beer

Cheval Blanc beer

by Ashley Cotter-Cairns
(UNOB HQ)

Cheval Blanc beer: white horse, not dark horse

Cheval Blanc beer

With my penchant for selection packs of untested beers lately, it should come as no surprise that I swooped upon a box containing three different Montreal beers AND a free glass!

Cheval Blanc beer is the third from this box; see my Blonde d’Achouffe beer review here, or check out the review of Coup de Grisou beer.

Would this white horse turn out to be a dark horse? Or was Les Brasseurs RJ a one-trick pony?

I spent ages sniffing the bottle to try to figure out what the perfume was reminding me of. In the end, I got it. Do you remember those awful foamy, puffy candies? I think they once were known as Flumps or something. Big expansive chewy mushy things that made standard marshmallows look like Lindt chocolate in comparison. Horrid.

Anyway, while it’s in the bottle, Cheval Blanc beer smells like those, kind of sugary and lavender-scented. Release it into a glass, though, and the predominant smell is wheat. Much better! White beer is quite fashionable at the moment and it certainly looked and smelled correct, the cloudy blonde look a trademark of so-called white beers.

I poured carefully, but there was little or no sediment to upset the balance of this beer. A tentative sip left me puzzled. My benchmark white is Hoegaarden; this was a briefly passable impersonation, but couldn’t stand up to close scrutiny.

It seems Cheval Blanc beer is a bit of a drag queen. Looks pretty good from a distance, smells OK, the initial dance on your tongue seems pretty sexy.

But soon you notice the Adam’s apple, in this case an initial sweet blandness. Then, a stubbly chin, in the shape of a bizarrely watered-down aftertaste that goes nowhere fast. This leaves you wondering why they considered this good enough to put out there in the white beer market?

I doubt if you’d get past your first date with this drag queen; you certainly won’t wake up next to it with any of your universal curiosities satisfied, along with a sense of creeping guilt and self-hatred. (And you can read anything you like into this analogy.)

So, I’m sorry to report that this little white horse should be put out to pasture, if not shot through the head and turned into glue. You’ll forget it the moment the bottle goes into the recycling bin.

Cheval Blanc beer is ultimately a disappointing brew that will leave first-time white beer drinkers wondering what the fuss is all about.