United Nations of Beer

Does size matter?

by Jane Turner
(Beer Delegate, QLD, Australia)

When it comes to beer, does size matter?

I've put a lot of thought into this question. I'm not talking about the endless debate with regards to men, their shoe size, hand size or any other part of them (which for some, end up buying mega-flash cars with the power of Zeus to compensate for the size of their manhood). I'm talking straight up beer size: does size matter?

In Queensland, there are two sizes. Cans and bottles are 375ml 'stubbies' and then, there's the 'tallie', which is 750ml.

The question of size came up just recently when a couple of my mates, Tony and Damo, produced some tallies immediately after they did a Kung Fu lesson (which I find a good way to balance exercise and more impressive they were still at the kung fu studio when they started drinking!).

To be honest, I may be alone in saying this, or perhaps it's a girl thing, but I'd much rather have two stubbies than one BIG beer. There's something gratifying on finishing a beer and fetching another one. (That's balanced exercise for sure). The beer stubby is icy cold again, it's refreshing and it's like starting from the beginning. With a tallie... well, you just swig it again and again and again (yawn) and again (snore) and for me, it's just not part of the beer drinking experience.

I started to wonder whether drinking a tallie was just another male 'big' thing. I wasn't 100 per cent convinced. So I had no choice but to ask my male mates what the appeal of it was. Why does size matter to them?

Mike was more than happy to explain. "When you've been working a long hard day and it's hot outside, you build up a powerful thirst. You know one stubby won't quench it, so that would be the ideal time for a tallie."

OK, I can understand that. In 34-degree Celsius weather with 98% humidity, yes, a cold beer sounds great after the necessary water hydration. But I'd still go for the two stubby option myself.

Mike also went on to say that he had an uncle who was a "connoisseur" of beer and would only stock tallies in the fridge. His uncle would pour the beer in frosted beer glasses he'd store in the freezer for a much more refined way to drink a tallie. Does size matter to a connoisseur then? It seems so.

Trying to help me imagine a situation where I would drink a tallie, he said: "Suppose a fella asked you out on a date and showed up with a tallie to share. You'd probably drink a tallie then, from a glass."

I also thought about this scenario too. Hmm... if a guy showed up with a tallie for us to drink together, I'd seriously worry he'd drink part of my share of the beer. Even in this situation, I'd prefer a stubby size beer and would think him being cheap for not bringing a six pack! (A little mental note for the guys – don't show up on a date with a tallie. Ed.)


My next mate Tony provided me with other information on when a tallie should be drunk. Firstly I asked him if the size of the bottle had any relation to size of car engines? His response was, "Hahahahahaha, shit no. Tallies were purely for practical situations."

I was still struggling on when it would be a practical situation, as I have yet to come across a situation or event where I thought, "I MUST have a tallie!"

Australian males think in a purely practical sense. In fact, they excel at being practical and are, I would go as far as saying, world leaders at it. From functional house styles to ingenious integrated BBQs (with flat griddles for bacon and eggs), if there's an easier way to do things, then Aussie males will find the answer to ensure their energy output isn't exceeded unnecessarily. However, Tony clarified, "I've used a tallie to water my lawn with."

At first I horrifyingly thought he was pouring beer onto his grass. However, knowing Tony would never waste a drop, he explained that he drank a tallie while out watering his lawn. "Saves going back to the fridge." Now that's a practical solution.

He also reiterated what Mike had said. If you are really thirsty and you know just one stubby isn't going to cut it, that's when you drink a tallie. "And it's cheaper than buying two stubbies." Does size matter in economic terms, as well then?

So does size matter?

I certainly gained a better perspective into tallies and why men would drink them. Does size matter to me that much anyway? Yeah, it's definitely a girl thing not to choose a tallie over a stubby. It's not practical for a girl at all. It means roughing it. It means drinking beer from a glass, which I don't like.

It means taking longer to drink it, even though it's the equivalent to two stubbies. I would bet I could get through two stubbies before I get through one tallie. It's a mental thing.

And doesn't that just sum up the "Does size matter?" debate nicely. Size is a mental perspective on things, whether it comes to beer or other life issues. For me, when it comes to bottle sizes, size does matter.

With this in mind and for the next Queensland Beer Tasting night, I will drink a tallie and see if I can do it. Maybe then I'll find inspiration into the practical reasons why you'd drink a tallie that you can't bring fishing, easily pack into an eskie or want to bring on a date.

Does size matter to you when you choose a beer? Leave your comments below.