United Nations of Beer

Duff - Binge Responsibly

by Tom Warin
(Salem, MA)

http://www.beertees.com/beer/duff/t-shirt-DUF-0008

The upstanding corporate citizens at Duff Brewing take social responsibility very seriously. That's why they have released this new tee-shirt to encourage their patrons to exercise restraint and common sense when bingeing on Duff products. Duff knows that they are in the business of providing intoxicated liquor to people with poor impulse control in return for money, but that doesn't mean that they want you to go all crazy and shit. That would reflect poorly on the corporate message. Especially since Duff is now part of a conglomerate that also manufactures baby food and latex fetish wear.

Binge, by all means. Duff respects the grand American tradition of bingeing and would send millions of dollars to Washington DC in order to defend it. Just don't binge until you burst. If you drink so much that your stomach literally explodes from the pressure of beer and gas, then you not only cause an inconvenience to the people who have to clean up the mess, you also inconvenience the lawyers at Duff, who will have to waste many hours defending a wrongful death lawsuit when they could be at home playing with their adorable children*.

I'm glad that you have taken this time to learn more about what Duff is doing to discourage bingeing, and I hope that you will tell your friends about it. Also, every dollar in profits from the sales of this tee-shirt goes directly to the directors of Duff Brewing, some of whom also have adorable children**.

*Actual adorableness of children may vary.
**Most of them are pretty ugly, to be honest.