United Nations of Beer

Funny drunk stories: First Impressions On The Family

by David
(Hartlepool)

I went to my girlfriend's family party a while ago. It was her cousins 18th and I didn't really know anyone but I didn't wanna be baggage so I kept saying "Nah its fine go dance with your friends" and sat on my own.

I went to the bar at one point and another girl (cousins friend) was getting a drink. I thought I'd make a friend, maybe not be lonely, I simply said "What you getting a WKD for, get a proper drink" and she grabbed my face, drunk and went "If I drink any other drink I get mortal and get with people" I was like OKAY! Panicked.

Then I went to the bathroom where I washed my hands and the water splashed all over me, my girlfriends dad walked in to which I said "haha it looks like I pissed myself. I haven't though" and he just looked at me in disgust. Smooth.

I went back to the party and over to the bar, her mam let me borrow £20 because I'd already spent £40 and didn't feel drunk. Her older sister came over, I turned and said "It's mad, I don't even feel drunk" and I blacked out then.

Her sister says it was the craziest thing, I went from perfectly reasonable to absolutely wrecked instantly. I turned around to see her talking to some guy to which I said (In an accusing tone) "Who's he?" and she went "... that's my cousin David". The nice guy then bought me a drink, nice guy with bad ideas.

The rest is stuff I was told. I went to the dance floor and danced with my girlfriend a bit, and as if I didn't find that embarrassing enough I then dirty danced with a male family friend - party.

Then when trying to talk to my girlfriend I kept calling her the wrong names, I kept calling her the names of two close female friends I had at the time to which she absolutely flipped and shouted at me for 5 minutes, I got distressed and at the end simply wailed "EVE!" ...which, btw, is not her name.

She threw her drink (and then glass) at me and stormed out. I left too, however in a more manly approach to the situation, I cried on her cousin and then her sister. In the car on the way home (Sisters fiancée was driving) I was sick on her sister and in the new car. When we got to her house, her sisters fiancée had to carry me to bed, where I then wet myself and then threw up everywhere.

I woke in the morning too hungover for work, didn't turn up, then I panicked and quit before they could fire me because I hate getting told off.

Good impression on the family.