United Nations of Beer

Hockley Valley Dark beer

by Seamus Vaughan
(Beer Delegate, ON, Canada)

Hockley Valley Dark beer

Who wants a beer that's so dark it could be confused with motor oil? ME! Who wants a beer whose dark, crisp taste is so reminscent of coffee that drinking it makes you feel ten times more awake? ME! Who remembers why that same night, myself and my roomates were kicked out of the hospital? ME?!

Yes I do, sadly but that's not all do to the Hockley Valley Dark; tequila had more to do with that.

So what happened?

I went to the LCBO (Ontario booze shop) and got my usual sixer mixer pack (a variety of different beers). As part of the pack, I threw in a can of Hockley Valley Dark beer.

Not only is it from Ontario, BUT the name sounds like hockey! How Canadian can you get?

I was pleaasantly surprised with the beer's similarity to Guinness and I might even go a step beyond that, to say it was better (and trust me this was hard for me to say, I'm Irish, I almost feel like I'm a turncoat).

Hockley Valley Dark beer is more fruity than most dark beers; I don't mean that in a bad way. It's also a very filling beer, so if you havent eaten any food prior to drinking it, don't worry!

So I bought a mixer pack, but ended up going back to the 'Licbo' to buy more Hockley Valley Dark beer. Lo and behold, they also sell it in one litre bottles for 10$ apiece!

So why did we get kicked out of the hospital? After creating a new shot, the "Boiler Breaker" (half a pint of Hockley Valley Dark beer with a shot of tequila thown in), me and the roomies were ready for a night on the town!

We were leaving a strip club when a homeless man jumped out of nowhere and attacked one of us, resulting in an all-out brawl! One of my roomates got his teeth knocked out (he chooses to remain nameless AND toothless), so we went to the hospital. While waiting to be served, we stole some wheelchairs and had bumperwars.

The staff disappoved and kicked us out sans help, sans teeth and sans wheelchairs. And that’s the short version. Drink Hockley Valley Dark beer, but avoid Boiler Breakers.