United Nations of Beer

House of Jerky variety pack

by Ashley Cotter-Cairns and Carolina Pla
(UNOB Towers)

Jerked meat isn't all that common and, when you can find it, it's horrid. Not to mention packed with stuff best reserved for embalming corpses.

Fortunately for mankind and wannabee Cowboys everywhere, House of Jerky's variety pack is here to put that right. Ten flavours, all natural ingredients, all bloody nice.

Here's the UNOB husband and wife team's mini reviews of all ten.

Natural beef
Our fave by miles, this was plain and that allowed the beef flavour to come through. Delicious. You can really tell it's high quality stuff.
Cowboy rating: Clint Eastwood

Hot beef
Neither of us was blown away in a good sense by hot beef. Not that it was awful, just that we're not into hot foods and the moment you see chili seeds stuck to something, you know you're in for a roasting. Curry fans only need apply.
Cowboy rating: Roy Rogers (because it may "Trigger" a reaction)

Sweet and spicy beef
The Chinese takeaway of beef jerky, but House of Jerky does things in a classy style. So, you know, it's like sweet and sour, but much nicer and there's no MSG or anything nasty in it like that.
Cowboy rating: Has Bruce Lee ever been in a Western? If not, has Jackie Chan? If not, somebody else we can't think of

Teriyaki beef
Sweeter than I like things to taste and hard to get started because it's really, really firm, but still mouth-wateringly yummy. Quite chewy even when you get it going, like meaty gum.
Cowboy rating: John Wayne

Black pepper buffalo
House of Jerky likes black pepper -- many of their varieties are flavoured with it. Buffalo is as good as any of the others. It's quite tough (duh!), I mean relatively speaking. The black pepper does add an extra dimension.
Cowboy rating: The mean pointy mustache guy from The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

Black pepper turkey
To me, the idea of a rhyming food is a little strange, and turkey jerky is just asking for somebody to write a children's book about it. (Why can't they jerk pork, by the way?) We didn't like it as much because its consistency is so odd -- aka, it's probably better for us than the red meat jerkies. Lightweight. Much easier to chew than the red meats though and the pepper is much stronger on turkey than beef.
Cowboy rating: The undertaker in A Fistful of Dollars

Teriyaki turkey
Nicer than the black pepper taste-wise, but see our notes above on turkey jerky. The notes are slightly murky, and now this is beginning to feel like worky. Not good for your teeth to eat so much jerky in one sitting, methinks. For whatever reason, the teriyaki version is rubbery and much more difficult to get going.
Cowboy rating: Val Kilmer

Black pepper venison
This is so tough, it makes John Wayne look like Fountains of Wayne. You need a chainsaw to slice it and, if by co-incidence it's the 9th sample you've tasted today, you will need to schedule a trip to the orthodontist. Once you get it working, it's absolutely bloody lovely though and probably my second favourite after the natural beef.
Cowboy rating: John Wayne, stuffed with Sly Stallone

Western ostrich
Ostrich is just a strange thing to jerk. (What happened to pork, guys? And why am I so obsessed with that idea?) It tastes okay though. I like the seasoning they have used better than the consistency of the meat.
Cowboy rating: Somebody Australian. If Russell Crowe had been acting when they made Westerns, that sounds about right

Check out House of Jerky if you want a MAN'S snack with your beer (hey! Ed's wife.).