United Nations of Beer

Lakeport Pilsener

by Ashley Cotter-Cairns
(UNOB HQ)

Lakeport Pilsener

It sounds dramatic, but the story of my long day in hospital is nowhere near as tragic as all that.

My wife is expecting twins; we therefore need to keep a careful eye on the unborn ones and her cervix length, among other things. Sometimes, this takes longer than anticipated.

It doesn't help that the Royal Victoria Hospital in Montreal is a huge, ancient edifice which is ridiculously overheated and full of sick and pregnant people.

You'd need a beer, too, believe me.

This particular can of beer was liberated from the LCBO in Cornwall, ON, which is appropriate given that Lakeport Pilsener is brewed in Hamilton. It's been chilling in our fridge for days and, as I needed to do some chilling too (preferably not surrounded by ultrasound machines and rush-hour traffic), here was the perfect opportunity to try it for size.

For whatever reason, my expectations of this beer were fairly low. No disrespect to Lakeport intended, just that it doesn't have a reassuring air about it. There's nothing screaming "QUALITY" at me when I regard the can. Must be the blue-on-blue swooshy high-design action.

Popping the top, I was reminded of a Stella Artois (at least, the canned English version of that venerated beer). There's a slightly chemical twang, mingled with the inevitable scent of wheat from the opening, that's magnified when you pour it into the glass. This 473ml can at 5% abv isn't quite an English pint, but it's close enough and boy, did I ever need one!

My first thought on pouring it was, "Thank fuck it's not bright orange." Along with bitter reds from Quebec, I am so tired of reviewing orange Canadian lagers. Granted this is a Pils, but it's a deep golden yellow. Again, the comparison to Stella tins is a strong one. Could be deja vu, or perhaps my taste buds long to be thousands of miles away from the Vic Women's Pavilion.

There's definitely a very mild honeyish taste (without too much of the sweetness) to Lakeport Pilsener. I detected the scent of honey when I inhaled from the top and it's present in the mouth.

The aftertaste is that chemical Stellaness I mentioned before, not unpleasant exactly, but certainly a million miles away from the craft-brewed ales I've been tasting recently. And you know what? It's something of a relief to have an average beer for a change.

This one won't set the world alight. In fact, in a less charitable mood I may have shot it down in flames. But it's all right, in small doses. It will cut through your thirst and make a sad, sweaty day seem less poignant.

Lakeport Pilsener is a fairly run of the mill pils that's best served ice cold on the back of a stressful time, when it might just taste a little more heavenly than it really is. Or if you stagger home from the pub for a late after-hours Xbox session with the lads, this cheap and cheerful brew will do the business.