United Nations of Beer

Loch Ness beer

by Ashley Cotter-Cairns
(UNOB HQ)

Loch Ness beer

The legend of the Loch Ness Monster has spun, out of nothing but a few dodgy old photos, a tourist industry for an otherwise unremarkable backwater burg in the Scottish Highlands.

It has become so famous that even The Simpsons have featured Nessie (which they imagined as a pink half-mindless, half-cute thing, like a giant fairground sideshow prize).

Montreal brewer Le Cheval Blanc (which may or may not be owned by the monster brewer Brasseurs RJ: one bottle you buy will mention RJ and another will not!) brings you Loch Ness, a "Scotch style" beer.

North Americans imagine that people from Scotland are 'Scotch'. Wrong, guys! They're SCOTTISH.

You see this mistake in countless faux-Scottish contexts. Every Scottish-style beer I've seen on this side of the pond makes the same fundamental error, describing things as Scotch and thereby "scotching" almost any chance that a true Scot would ever buy a bottle.

Which is just as well, as drinks like LochNess beer are about as Scottish as maple syrup.

That's not to say that this isn't a good, tasty beer! Just don't expect your friendly local Celtic fan to find it appealing.

Loch Ness beer is red, deep reddish brown really, with a very sweet smell not unlike certain premium maple syrups.

The initial taste is similar, very sweet burnt caramel tones, cut with an aftertaste that's as bitter as most Loch Ness Monster hunters have become over the years of expensive failure, fading into an eventual sweet lingering mouth feel.

It's gassy: this 660ml bottle has taken me the best part of an hour to consume, though in fairness I'm not in a hurry.

At 6% abv, it's strong, but nothing like Scottish 'Heavy' beer in either style or strength.

Heavy is something altogether different and you have to taste it to properly appreciate it.

Loch Ness beer is fun, even if the Monster on the label resembles an ostrich more than a dinosaur.

I like the bit about "MONSTER NOT INCLUDED!" It's probably too sweet for most palates, but one bottle won't kill (or cure) you.

If you're at all interested in finding out more spurious tat on the legend of the Loch Ness Monster, including a live monster cam, visit LochNess.co.uk.

Click here to post comments.

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How?
Simply click here to return to Beer Ratings.

Buy Beer Online @ eBay!

Even the impossible can be found on eBay, if you are patient in your searching. Try searching for Russian River (you'll need to narrow down by beer name, ex. Pliny, Damnation, Temptation), Black Albert, or any of the BIG beers. Don't overlook eBay's Belgium Beer results either...

If you have never bought beer from eBay before, read our How to Buy Beer Online guide

How To Make Beer

From first steps to advanced techniques, the UNOB Home Brew Delegates show you how to make beer at home