Pendle Witches Brew

by Daniel Burt
(Beer Delegate, Japan)

Pendle Witches Brew: amateur label, student price

Halloween, well tis the season I suppose; the young are dressing up and asking strangers for sweets door to door, the old are dressing up and asking strangers for sex bar to bar and, for a few halcyon days at least, novelty beer reigns over all like some malevolent, unholy elixir. Now, I’ve already tried the Wellington’s special Halloween brew (65p per ladle, liver and rectal failure at no additional cost) so I suppose I can take another one for the team, here are some of my thoughts on Pendle Witches Brew.

With my being incredibly poor, the first thing that hit me upon purchasing it was the price; 99p per bottle... seems cheap, suspiciously cheap in fact. I held the slender bottle aloft; yep … label looks cheap, amateur even. Should that really matter though? Perhaps not but I’m superficial and incredibly narrow minded so actually, yes, It looks like frickin homebrew.

Moving on, though unfortunately my immune system has collapsed under alcohol abuse and I do have a cold, though I am reliably informed the Pendle Witches Brew has a pleasing ginger aroma. Upon my first taste I was pleasantly surprised by just how non-committal the brew actually is, it’s so smooth as to barely register, though I suppose when you’re paying 99 pence per bottle, barely registering is the best you have any right to expect.

The flavour just seems a little underwhelming, not surprising considering the brewery describes it as “light”, “Soft” and “golden”, hardly abrasive or exciting adjectives after all. Perusing the ingredient list; Crystal malts, Maris otter (?), invert sugars (not just sugar –Invert- sugar) and torrified wheat I was prepared for something a little more beguiling I suppose. In this instance it’s a somewhat underwhelming amalgamation quite frankly; like the alchemists who mixed lead, frogs legs and water and didn’t quite come up with gold. Pendle Witches Brew just seems slightly less than the sum of its parts.

However I digress, tis the season and not meaning to undermine this fair nation’s sterling commitment to responsible drinking it is 99 pence for 500ml (from Booths) and the alcoholic content is 5.1% ABV. Whichever way you add up those figures, merriment will enter the equation at some point and after all, next Halloween is only a few short months away...