United Nations of Beer

Pride beer

by John Breese
(Beer Delegate, QC, Canada)

Pride beer

If there's one thing I got wise to right quick in working for gay bars and restaurants, it was the popular notion that many gays subscribe to: that all men are essentially gay.

How many times did I have one of my queer co-workers imploring me to give 'the other side' a try, convinced that I'd love it if I just gave it a go at least once.

Hmm... mull things over a sec, shall we? The other day I saw Johnny Knoxville staple his family jewels to his thigh and well, you know what? I'd have to say that I really don't need to do the same thing to know I wouldn't dig the same experience.

The thing is, however, I've always tried my best in life to be a good sport and always be open-minded, so I thought I'd approach this whole "all men are gay" theory in a different way. I opted to pick up Pride beer.

With no intention on my part to experiment with homosexuality on an intimate front, I figured it fair enough to see if my proclivities could be swayed with the help of this gay-oriented brew instead.

To add to the challenge, I cracked the bottle open just as WWE Raw came on the air, unleashing a slew of sweaty, near-naked men rolling around on the ground together unto my screen. The challenge was on.

In twisting off the cap, I was met with a gingerly aroma... and at that moment the wrestling show kicked off. I took a bold first sip just as I caught a glimpse of Ric Flair's sagging chicken chest flip-flopping its way to the ring. The 16-time world champ disqualified Pride beer's first attempt at turning my leaf.

I continued on with my sampling nonetheless, wishing to give this experiment the best chance possible. As I continued on, the flavour of this beer hinted at a subtle richness but never really achieved it, coming up somewhat staid instead.

Now Edge's music hit and the man hit the scene. I took a few pulls off my bottle of Pride and still, I remain asymptomatic to the long blonde hair and well-shaped stature.

I now begin to question Pride beer's potency and take yet another swig. Strange as it is, I could almost swear the brew is getting lighter as I go along. I even begin to pick up a faint hint of caramel as I near the end.

In effect, Pride beer achieved nothing in terms of changing my "focal point", shall we say. Sporting a very light taste and a rather run-of-the-mill blonde flavour, I really don't see how Pride beer can be taken as anything more than a novelty.

Oh and to Martin, the waiter so eager to prove the "all men are gay" theory that he bet me $50... I take checks and money orders, my friend.