United Nations of Beer

Resident Ev-Ale Beer Zombie T-Shirt

by Tom Warin

Resident Ev-Ale Beer Zombie T-Shirt
(CafePress)

Video games have taught us many important lessons over the years. When faced with freakish enemies that can kill you with a touch, try jumping on their heads. Hedgehogs were built for speed, not comfort. The future will be populated by incredibly buff space marines and all the environments will be brown and gray.

The Resident Evil games have taught us that when the zombie apocalypse arrives, our best hope for survival lies with the hot woman in the tight top. Sooner or later the zombies are going to figure this out and make sure to turn her into a zombie first. Then we're totally screwed.

At that point, all you can really do is hope to tempt the zombies with a few pints of delicious ale. Who has the time to eat brains when there's delicious beer to be had? Zombies are notoriously lightweight drinkers and can be neutralized with no more than two pints of IPA.

The moral of this story is that if you're in a bar and you happen to see an attractive woman in a tight top, buy her a pint of IPA, just in case.

Wearing this Resident Ev-Ale Beer Zombie T-Shirt, available at CafePress, will almost certainly intrigue her and give you the chance to explain the whole zombie/beer plan. If she sticks around after you tell her that crock of nonsense, she's a keeper!