United Nations of Beer

Skinny Dip

by Jim Slim
(The Border, Canada)

OK, this Skinny Dip incident happened two weeks ago, and now my wife doesn't allow me to go out with my friends.

If someone has been to my ugly city, he knows that the border is so close that you can just walk to it and touch it.

It was a Friday afternoon when four of my friends came to pick me up. I don't drink so I was the designated driver.

I don't know how but we ended in the beach. If you go to the east you get again to the border, the border is a wire wall that goes into the sea for a few meters.

My friends were drunk, really happy and saying stupid things, laughing and stuff. Thru the border you can see a small park, but that on the other side, in the US.

One of my friends said, "I bet you I can go thru the sea and sit in that bench over there in the park and come back faster than everybody."

I laughed and told him that immigration would be there so fast that it was impossible, but another guy said "You're on."

This Skinny Dip wasn't a good idea. I decided to start the car. But one of the guys took the key and put it in his pants. "Let's see who's faster," he told me.

Well all four started the race without pants and shoes going into the water. I must say that it was getting late and the water was ice cold, it always is around here.

I started yelling for them to turn back, but decided to stop shouting. I didn't want to get the attention of people or the INS, or our local Police.

They made it to the other side, ran to the park and were coming back when the INS appeared, two cars and around five officers came out and ordered my friends to get to the floor.

My friends were still laughing but everything stopped when the INS guys opened the back of the truck for them to get inside. They started talking to them, saying it was just a joke but the INS guys didn't think it was funny at all.

Well, by this time they were not drunk any more. They started feeling the cold of the water and started yelling at me for their clothes. I took them all and started throwing it to them. One of the officers told me to stop that, I replied that they were drunk and cold, they needed some clothes.

He told me he didn't care and to stop. I asked him to come and get the clothes from me.

My friends didn't want to go inside the truck. Some of them were eyeing the sea, but it was too far, and dangerous, the INS wasn't playing around.

One of my friends was really upset. I told him to stop it, the INS was just doing their job, it was their own fault. Then all of a sudden this big man appeared, a black man, oh man he was huge, really calm. He told my friends to get their clothes and get inside the damn truck, if not, one by one will have to face him.

I don't have to say it, my friends took their clothes and got in to the truck. They closed the door, and went away.

I was still really close to the border, so I went back to the car. Guess what, the frikking keys were in the clothes. I had no ride, and the beaches are completely on the other side of the city from my house, it's hard to get transportation in that place.

After walking for about an hour in the night I got to a bus station, went to downtown and called my wife to pick me up.