United Nations of Beer

StuporBowl Playoffs

by Chris Perrin
(Beer Delegate, MO, USA)

StuporBowl Playoffs
Beer meets beer in grisly gridiron parody

In a few short days American sports fanatics will consume more food than on any other day except Thanksgiving. What better way to wash down all the food than with beer?

And as the NFL strives to determine what its best team is, the United Nations of Beer has decided to have a championship of its own, The StuporBowl, to determine if all those beers were to take the field and duke it out head-to-head, which one would reign supreme?

Eight states were contacted and asked to send forth their mightiest gladiator to represent them on the 'bottlefield' in the StuporBowl playoffs.

From Missouri, Boulevard came. From Oregon, Rouge Brewing Company. From Texas, Shiner Bock stepped up to the plate. From Washington, Pyramid brought their weizens to play. From Colorado, Coors and its many brands came forward. From Illinois, Goose Island honked on to the field. And from across the Pond, Ireland sent Guinness, while England added tan and championed Bass Ale.

The StuperBowl playoffs format: a single elimination tournament, winner takes the grand prize: The StuporBowl!

StuporBowl Playoffs Round 1: Boulevard vs. Goose Island

Boulevard and Goose Island are both smaller breweries, nothing on the scale of a Coors or Bass, meaning both teams are going to have to rely on their flavor and creativity to win their match ups.

Quarterbacking the Boulevard team is Boulevard Wheat, backed by a strong defense anchored by All-Star Unfiltered Wheat. The Unfiltered Wheat and the Wheat are both light with excellent flavor. The Wheat Beer is a bit more clear and milder in flavor, while the Unfiltered Wheat is more pungent with a sharp almost citrus flavor.

Also, providing an X-factor for Boulevard is their seasonal brews, which give Missouri beer lovers a special treat.

On the other hand, Goose Island has two very special players: Honkers Ale and Nut Brown. Honkers Ale is a bitter, spicy beer inspired by English pubs and is excellent. There is a maturity and richness to this beer, which speaks volumes about the care put into making it and gives it a flavor that is superior to the Wheat or the Unfiltered Wheat.

Lastly, Goose Island has the Nut Brown, which is a deep dark beer with a good bite and a lot of flavor. And it is called Nut Brown (which is arguably much better than Boulevard’s Nut Cracker... ouch.) This gives it the edge in a close StuporBowl Playoffs encounter.

Winner: Goose Island. Next Game: The Winner of Rogue Brewing vs. Shiner Bock

StuporBowl Playoffs Round 2: Rogue Brewing vs. Shiner Bock

A David vs. Goliath battle of two very different brewing companies.

Located in Newport, Oregon, Rogue Brewing is very popular in the Northwest, with distribution throughout much of the region. They market a large number of different brews, including Chipotle Ale, Brutal Bitter and Morimoto Black Obi Soba Ale.

Still, for those faint of heart, try their safer ales. They have a nice kick, have a good balance of hops and an excellent flavor. Anyone lucky enough to spend a few beers’ worth of time in Oregon should kick back as much Rogue Brewing beer as the law will allow.

Shiner Bock, on the other hand, is a well known 'import' beer available in refrigerated cases and restaurants anywhere. Despite how some delegates feel, Shiner Bock has a pleasant dark flavor with a fair amount of bite.

It’s not as intense as many dark beers, due to a lighter finish, but is a good choice for many situations and reasonably priced enough to take a case to a party.

How do the two match up in the StuperBowl Playoffs? Shiner Bock puts up a good offense with its taste, but it ultimately lacks a strong enough defense to keep pace with the Rogue Brewing company’s onslaught of beers, all of which are excellent.

Winner: Rogue Brewing. Next Game: Versus Goose Island.

StuporBowl Playoffs Round 3: Coors vs. Guinness

Despite the above diatribe against the flavored water that passes for American beer, Coors was called to take on the StuporBowl Playoffs challenge. Not for its flagship product, Original Coors, or its equally well-known Coors Light.

Instead, the Coors team is built around a single star player: Blue Moon beer and its coach, Orange Slice. Blue Moon is a lighter amber ale that makes up in citrus flavor what it lacks in its cloudier finish. When ordering a Blue Moon, remember to order it with a slice of orange, squeeze it and enjoy.

Lined up on the other side of the field is Guinness. In almost every case, beers from outside the United States can kick the snot out of American beers, making this StuporBowl Playoffs match-up a little unfair. In just about every respect, Ireland has created the perfect beer.

Guinness takes to the field, looks at who is lined up against it and says "Hey, I’m Guinness."

Winner: Guinness. Next Game: Winner of Pyramid vs. Bass

StuporBowl Playoffs Round 4: Pyramid vs. Bass

Pyramid is a brewery in Seattle which is famous for coffee, but also brews some good beer. Pyramid makes three Weizen beers, an India Pale Ale and a selection of seasonal ales.

Weizen beers are interesting, with a smell like dry erase markers and a hoppy flavor that Pyramid has chosen to not filter away. In addition to their standard Hefe weizen, they also produce an Apricot weizen which is an excellent mixture of hops and a pleasant apricot taste that lingers in the back of the throat. They also make an Amber weizen which is good as well.

Pyramid takes to the bottlefield in this StuperBowl playoffs round against Bass ale, a beer from Great Britain. Building on the momentum generated by Guinness, Bass takes the field and says, "I’m Bass. I make a great black and tan."

Pyramid is not fazed and throws up an excellent defense with its award winning flavor, but ultimately a limited offense. Bass, an excellent bitter beer with a flavor of hops and an aroma to inspire songs, fights valiantly.

Winner: Bass in overtime. Next game: Guinness.

The first StuperBowl Playoffs round is over! But the StuporBowl is not decided. Will Guinness continue its domination? How will Bass deal the Irish drink’s beery onslaught? Can Goose Island take on Rogue Brewing in the battle of the small, but powerful breweries? Click for the StuporBowl Semi-Finals!