United Nations of Beer

StuporBowl semi finals

by Chris Perrin
(Beer Delegate, MO, USA)

The StuporBowl semi finals

(If you missed them, the StuporBowl playoffs can be found here.)

The action was fierce, the scene bloody. Broken bottles lay strewn across the 'bottlefield'. Four breweries have been sent home, but four still remain.

Goose Island, Illinois’ wonder brew, is set to do battle against Oregon’s Rogue Brewing in a battle of quality breweries.

When that slobberknocker is over, the other spot in the championship will go to one of the teams from across the pond. In a black-and-blue battle between black and tan, Ireland’s Guinness will square off against England’s own bitter ale, Bass.

This can only be the StuporBowl semi finals!

StuporBowl semi finals Game 1: Goose Island versus Rogue

Both teams were very evenly matched. Neither had the huge corporate muscle of the big American breweries, but both turn out excellently crafted, flavorful beers.

The crowds were electric, remembering the potential MVP performance of Goose Island’s Honkers Ale and the theatrics of Rogue’s Chipotle Ale from round one, but the key match ups in this game feature other stars of the bottleiron.

No one will soon forget the war between Goose Island’s India Pale Ale and Rogue’s Imperial India Pale Ale. Emperor or no, Goose Island was not going to give up the fight against Rogue Brewing. Also noteworthy, the Rogue Brewing Morimoto Soba Ale against Goose Island’s Demotion and the Rogue Brewing Imperial Stout versus the Goose Island Oatmeal Stout.

This game came down to a tie game in the last seconds. Goose Island was lined up for the go ahead score, but never count out a villainous Rogue with the chance to make it past the StuporBowl semi finals.

Just as Goose Island was about to run its play, Rogue called time out and asked to see some ID. As it turns out, Goose Island was not 21! With the local authorities present, Goose Island was forced to forfeit the game. Rogue Brewing celebrated in the middle of the field, cheerfully displaying its fake ID.

Winner: Rogue. Next stop: the StuporBowl Championship game.

Semi Final Game 2: Guinness versus Bass

The battle of the Europeans. The chocolate stout goodness of Guinness versus the palate pleasing but bitter Bass. Who could ask for more?

Things were rough in this game, even at the coin toss Guinness would not let up its constant reminders to Bass and the officials that it was, in fact, the Guinness beer. The finest of fine stouts.

"When was the last great Bass toast, huh Bassy boy?" it taunted, but Bass smiled, knowing its unique spicy flavor was the reason many people who would not touch a stout were ordering black and tans.

The game was fast, the hits furious. The defense provided by Guinness’ superior taste and expert craftsmanship, rare for such a large brand, was able to stymie the Bass offense, who fought valiantly for an identity other than the perfect complement to the most popular stout.

Like the first game, this one came down to the wire. Bass was only down by a single point with only a single tick left on the clock. With nothing else to do, Bass’ All-Star kicker strapped on his helmet and went out to write StuporBowl semi finals history.

The snap went back. The hold was good. No Good! Wide Right!

And the champagne... er... beer started to flow. Guinness is going to the StuporBowl Championship game!