United Nations of Beer

Taking the piss

by Joel Perry
(Beer Delegate, MD, USA)

Not taking a leak before your next beer is taking the piss

Friends, cohorts, cellmates and bar wenches, lend me your ears... There comes a point in every man's life where he must put his foot down against the injustices of the world, there is a point where he must put family and country and friends to the side, a point where he must look inward for the strength it takes to keep it all down.

This, my friends, is the point of no return. The moment where a man must decided to have another, or to break the seal... there is no turning back once you start taking the piss.

A lesser man might bitch that if he breaks this holy seal, he'll be taking the piss break every half hour; or if he has another, he might spring a leak. To this man I say, "pish". Have another and if you have to go, just go! There's no shame in it. Run for the door, or lean on the bar.

On many occasions, yours truly has endured this most grueling pain only to stand triumphantly wet in the end! No manner of biological urge is going to stop me from indulging, weak bladder be damned!

I ask you, would Gandhi have handed over his country men to the British because he had to "tinkle"? NO! Would Christopher Columbus have turned around his entire fleet of ships because he saw it unfit to be taking the piss into the Atlantic? NO!

These were two great men who knew that in their time of greatness nothing should stop them. Two noble souls who when compelled to go, they just went! And so, to all my friends, in every bar across this great clay ball we call "Earth", I say to you, renounce your inner urges, put aside the shame your friends and associates my place upon you and "spring a leak" while gulping that last golden drop!

Or I may just be taking the piss.