United Nations of Beer

This Beer is Making Me Awesome T-shirt

by Tom Warin

This Beer is Making Me Awesome T-shirt
(Baron Bob)

Beer-induced awesomeness (or BIA) is a real phenomenon that has yet to be discredited in more than one peer-reviewed publication. The underlying math is quite complicated, but I will try to make it understandable.

Beer acts on two separate kinds of awesomeness: Actual Awesomeness (AA) and Perceived Awesomeness (PA).

AA measures the degree to which somebody's behavior is objectively awesome, PA measures the degree to which a person believes their own behavior to be awesome.

The two quantities correlate quite closely when between one and three beers have been consumed. After that, AA peaks and begins to fall off, while PA increases exponentially until the person believes themselves to be "a golden god" and attempts to fly. This attempt is only rarely successful.

Your mileage may vary, depending on your body type and the kind of beer consumed. Many strong Belgian ales can induce awesomeness with only a sip or two. We recommend that you wear this This Beer is Making Me Awesome T-shirt, available from the slightly unhinged Baron Bob, so that people understand that any awesomeness you exhibit comes from the beer and is not intrinsic to yourself. This helps avoid misunderstandings.