Two Rivers Red

by Dallas Reimer
(Beer Delegate, MB, Canada)

Two Rivers Red: worth a nod, a second chance, even a reconsidering on your stance over redheads

Here at the UNOB we try to be impartial. They say that if you know you don’t like a certain type of beer, you should avoid reviewing it. That’s sound advice, but three bottles of Two Rivers Red lager came in a variety pack (including the venerable Fort Garry Dark Ale, Pale Ale, Two Rivers Lager and Two Rivers Red) and I’d be damned if I would drink something I knew I wouldn’t like and not get at least a review out of it.

My first run-in with red beer was the new years’ party I went to when I was 16 years old. We went to a house party, but I had my brother’s old expired driver’s license, so my friend Craig and I decided we’d blow that joint and head to Big Guy’s lounge to mark the end of the year. Rickard’s Red was on special. We each ordered one, took a sip, then Craig put his beer down and looked at me.

“If I have to drink this all night, I’d better be getting pistachios,” he said.

The bar had a warm pistachio vending machine, but I have no such luxury at home. Pistachio-less grievances aside, I remained steadfast in my decision to give red beer a chance.

Two Rivers brewery was one of Winnipeg’s few brewing operations back in the 1990s before it amalgamated with Winnipeg beer leader Fort Garry Brewing. It is named so for the two rivers that converge at the centre of Winnipeg, namely the Assiniboine and the Red. Both are the pale brown color of sewage, despite the narcissistic decision of one river to call itself the “Red” when it clearly is anything but.

For some reason, when you take a sip of this beer, you can actually taste the color red. Perhaps it is my childhood tendency to decipher flavors by color (blue flavored gum was called, simply, blue flavored. No fruit moniker attached or required). Red is usually cherry or strawberry, but in this case it was an admittedly okay tasting beer.

At one point during the night, I actually forgot that this was a red beer. This was after a few others had entered my liver, but I was pleasantly surprised at the smoothness. I think I actually hugged the bottle at one point.

I think I would appreciate this beer more in the summertime. Sitting on the deck beside a roaring barbeque loaded with steaks and questionable hot dogs, watching the kids in the yard. Listening to Jimmy Buffett and leaving the Corona in the fridge. A cooler stocked with ice and Two Rivers Red lager would complete that picture nicely. As long as he doesn’t bring that tasteless bastard Rickard’s with him.

In any case, I definitely would give Two Rivers Red a second chance or a pleasant nod when we passed each other in the hallway, which is more than I can say for most redheads.