Doctor G. suggests 20 OTHER uses for beer...
"Beers of the world, unite!"
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20 other uses for beer
Submitted by Doctor
G
(Editor's note: Seek professional medical attention BEFORE you attempt any of Doctor G's health-related ideas in this article...)
Beer is so good that you should be
able to do more with it than just drink it then flush it away. What if
beer were more than just our favorite cold beverage? What if there were
other, proven uses for
our golden frothy friend?
Of course, research shows that, in moderation, drinking beer
has significant health benefits. However, gentlemen, it's time to make
beer an even bigger part of our world. I give you the Top 20 OTHER
Things You Can Do With Beer.
20. GET SOME SLEEP
Would you believe that beer can be a sleep agent and help insomnia? Well of course, we all usually pass out after a night of inebriation. But no, we're talking a normal night's sleep here! Women actually use it for their children.
Women have been known to sew hops into pillows, allowing for
the smell of it to help as a sleep aid, especially for colicky babies.
Hops are a type of flower, though, so be careful if you have allergies.
19. FORGET THE PUB HAUS, BUILD YOUR OWN HOUSE!
Earthship, a house in New
Mexico, has walls made of empty beer
cans and concrete. Instead of using forms for the cement, builders put
down alternating layers of mortar and cans. A ceiling vent allows
frigid desert air to flow in during the night.
The beer absorbs this cold, but never freezes because of its alcohol content. When the hatch is closed during the day, the beer releases the coolness. The same thing happens when you open one and drink it.
This is one of the more painful uses for beer. Think of all
those cans of beer, trapped for all time behind layers of mortar!
18. CALM AN UPSET STOMACH
Sipping on a highly carbonated beer can settle a stomach just
like (7-Up or Sprite). Plus, the alcohol helps buffer pain. The more
you drink, the pain lessens (go figure!). However, be careful if you
have an ulcer or gastritis. Alcohol can inflame that and make your
night nasty!
17. HAIR GOOP
A handy grooming tip. A few drops of beer is sticky enough to
subdue any sudden
uprising on your eyebrow or scalp that you spot in a bathroom mirror.
Just wet your index finger and demurely slick it down. Think of it as
Miller mousse.
16. LOWER YOUR BLOOD PRESSURE
If you're feeling a bit hypertensive, put a handful of dried hops or hops pellets (available at any home-brew store) in a coffeemaker and brew them with hot water.
It makes for a bitter tea, but it supposedly brings your blood
pressure back to normal by dilating the capillaries. I wouldn't
advocate this as a replacement for medication, though. And as it's not
technically beer, this is one of those uses for beer that stretches the
point. Don't let the facts get in the way of a good story...
15. SEE SPOT LAWN
Another of those sneaky uses
for beer. According to a professional
gardener, the fermented sugars in
beer stimulate plant growth and kill fungi.
Spraying either home brew or Rolling Rock (both are chemical-free) on those annoying brown spots in your lawn should do the trick.
The grass absorbs the sugar and draws energy from it. Of
course, you could just stop peeing in those spots every night when you
stumble home from the pub. Then you wouldn't have to waste your home
brew or Rolling Rock. Logic.
14. FIGHT FIRE
Although certainly not as effective as a real fire extinguisher, a can or bottle of beer can mimic one if none is available. Simply shake and spritz. After all, beer is mostly water. This works on small grill flare-ups, and some people have been known to carry an emergency can in their car in case of engine fire.
However, it's a little difficult to explain the emergency case
I have in the trunk to police officers. My drunken response: "You never
know what type of fire you'll come up against... maybe a big ol'
wildfire!" See how many uses for beer there are? It can get you
arrested, too!
13. COOK SEAFOOD (SHRIMP, CLAMS, MUSSELS)
OK, this is from a friend, and I've yet to try it, although the logic is sound, considering we all eat the infamous beer battered onion rings down at the watering hole. Here's a couple of cooking recipes.
For Shrimp, open three 12-ounce bottles of Yuengling lager or a comparable mild pilsner and pour them into a large soup pot. Wait for the beer to go flat (about two hours), then add a quarter cup of Old Bay Seasoning and 2tsp ground turmeric (to turn the shrimp a rich yellow).
Bring to a boil over medium-high heat, then cook for five
minutes. Meanwhile, rinse two pounds of extra-large raw shrimp in cold
water and drain. Add them to the pot and stir. Cover and cook for five
minutes, no more. Quickly remove the shrimp using a large slotted
spoon. Serve immediately with cocktail sauce and, you guessed it, more
beer. This same recipe makes great lobster, but cook it for 12 to 15
minutes.
For clams and mussels, fill a large steamer pot with equal parts water
and beer, then bring to a boil. Steam the randy little mollusks until
their shells open. One of the simpler uses for beer. It imparts a nice
flavor.
12. FLY HIGH
Believe it or not, there's a
pilot out there that actually
builds model planes out of beer cans.
Now, he sells the plans for eight
categories of beer-can planes, including vintage tri-wings,
helicopters, Warhawks and ones that actually fly. "This is Ghostrider
requesting permission to buzz the tower..."
11. POLISH POTS
In days of yore, the last bit of beer from spent kegs was
collected and used to polish the copper vats in breweries. You can
actually use beer to put a shine on anything copper, from pots to
copper-top tables. Because of its acidity, you can just pour some on,
let it sit for a while, then wipe it off. Because hey... you always
want to make sure your pot is clean.
10. LIKE A ROLLING STONE
There are certain accepted facts in life, such as the fact that beer is a diuretic. If you didn't know that, you will after about 3-4 beers and that pressured sensation you'll feel shortly thereafter.
If you've got a bladder infection or kidney stone, beer can
help flush the kidneys and bladder. It may help you pass a stone
quicker and easier. Plus, the alcohol will take the edge off the pain.
But don't drink beer if you're taking antibiotics or narcotic pain
medications. You'll render the drugs useless and make yourself sick.
9. MOUSETRAP
Ever heard of a fatal
attraction to beer? Did you know that
you can trap mice with it? One of the more cool (and cruel!) uses for
beer...
Set out a few small pails or bowls of beer with a small ramp leading up to the lip.
The mice will be attracted by the smell, hop in, drink their
fill, then be unable to climb out. Sinister,
isn't it? (I
know a few pubs that sound exactly like that mousetrap idea... Ed.)
8. RICECAPADES
Rinse 1 cup jasmine rice in water. Do it twice more, then drain well. Next, dump the rice into a medium-size pot and add 12 ounces of beer. (A nut-brown ale works well.) Bring the mixture to a boil, turn the heat to low, and cover the pot.
Simmer for 20 minutes, then remove from the stove and cool for
an additional 10 minutes. The rice won't be lumpy, and it'll have a
nuttier flavor — just like you after you eat it.
7. BEER-B-Q SAUCE!
Ingredients:
1 medium Spanish onion, diced
1 medium banana pepper, diced
3 cloves garlic, minced
2 tbsp capers
5 ripe tomatoes, diced
1 small can tomato paste
1/3 cup each wine vinegar, olive oil, soy sauce, brown sugar
1 tbsp balsamic vinegar
2 tbsp each Worcestershire sauce, Tabasco, honey, Dijon mustard,
horseradish, oregano
2 tbsp fresh ground pepper
1 tsp cumin
Dash of ground clove
12 ounces amber ale or porter
Combine all ingredients in a large saucepan and boil for 10
minutes. Lower heat and simmer for about four hours until thickened.
Cool and refrigerate for 24 hours so the flavors can meld. Then baste
everything but the dog with it.
6. LOOSEN RUSTY BOLTS
Pour some beer on them and wait a few minutes. The carbonation
may help break up the rust.
5. BEER CAN PATIO FURNITURE
To start, you'll need:
About 65 assorted beer caps
1-foot square piece of 1/4-inch plywood
Four, 1-to1 1/2-inch-square, 18-inch posts
Four 12x2-inch strips of lattice
Four, 3-inch dry-wall screws
Some tacking nails
A tube of tub-and-tile adhesive
Simply screw the plywood to the posts, brace them with lattice, and glue the caps to the top in whatever creative arrangement you like.
Warning: Don't leave the finished table out in the rain, because the caps will rust.
4. MARINATE MEAT
Beer is slightly acidic, as we've already discussed. This makes beer an excellent meat tenderizer. This allows you to enjoy leaner cuts that otherwise might be too tough.
Beer also won't alter the meat's flavor as much as wine- and vinegar-based marinades do.
Poke a few holes in the meat, put it in a Tupperware container (or borrow one from your hot chick neighbor) or a large resealable bag (again for those of you unaware of these inventions, find a chick) and add beer. Marinate in the refrigerator for a few hours or, better yet, overnight.
Caution: Do not drink the marinade.
3. SHAMPOO HAIR
Not only is beer the remedy
for a dull party, it's also the
cure for dull hair.
Dump a cup into a small saucepan and bring it to a boil over medium heat. Let it reduce until there's 1/4 cup left. This removes the alcohol, which can dry hair. Let the beer cool, then mix it with a cup of your favorite shampoo.
Pour it into an empty shampoo bottle, then
wash and rinse as usual. It'll give your hair more shine and luster.
Put a nice head on your head!
2. FIND DUE NORTH
"You can't kill the bear..." Sorry, I was daydreaming about some Anthony Hopkins, Alec Baldwin movie. Where was I, oh yes... okay, here's the scenario. A bit far-fetched, but hey, if they can do it in the movie, so can we.
Let's say you're hopelessly lost in the wilderness, and all you have is a can of beer, a sewing needle, a small bowl, and a pair of extra-large silk panties. (Because this is a matter of life and death, the camp counselor should give hers up.) First, open the beer, pour some into the bowl and let it go flat. (Better drink the rest; this may not work.)
Next, magnetize the needle by stroking it repeatedly in one
direction with the panties. (The needle, fellas...) This will generate
a charge of static electricity. Then float the needle in the beer. When
it stops, it'll be pointing in a north-south direction. Haul ass so
that you can make happy hour before sundown.
1. BEER SLIDE!
And the number one use for beer – a beer slide! That's right, you've polished the pots, flushed the kidney stones, cooked up a variety of food and found your way out of the woods. Now it's time to enjoy yourself and use yet another excuse to get those hot girls next door into bikinis.
At your next party, lay a large vinyl tarp on a slope, then
make it slick with lots of beer. Have your friends strip down to their
underwear or swim trunks, get a running start, and slide downhill! It's
more fun than midget bowling on a Saturday night with bucket specials.
(OK, well maybe not that fun.)
Suggest your own OTHER uses for beer. Or show us a pic of bikini-clad babes using a beer slide!
GET INVOLVED!
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